Episode 4 – “A Pressing Engagement”

We start with a very chubby Ernie wearing a picnic table cloth for a bib watching Jason bench press weight in an attempt to break the record of 1010. Kimberly comes over after practicing her gymnastics moves and chastises Ernie for talking with his mouth full. Jason comes within 3 or 4 of the record when Ernie loses count. OH NO! Jason is defeated and lets the weight down, curiously he doesn’t set it on the rests he sets it down on his chest, but he is a teenager with attitude so I suppose he can stand it.

Rita is watching Jason work out from her secret base on the surface of the moon, which is a little creepy because presumably she’s been watching him for the full thousand and change rep workout. She sees Jason fail to reach the record and declares that he’s not so tough after all (even though it was Kimberly distracting Ernie causing him to lose count that screwed Jason, not Jason’s failure) she thinks if she can separate Jason from his friends and send Goldar and some putty’s to battle him alone then she’ll be able to defeat the rangers once and for all. Honestly it sounds pretty similar to her plan from last week’s episode only this one doesn’t involve running a landfill, perhaps the beauty of the plan is its simplicity.

Back at the gym/juice bar Jason is has apparently restarted from zero and worked his way back to 1,007; only 3 away from the gym/juice bar record. Ernie is still eating a sandwich but since Jason has started over from zero and worked his way back up we have to assume that it’s a new sandwich which would account for why Ernie has no visible neck. Jason’s supposed friend Kimberly blows a ridiculous bubble with the gum she’s chewing (so obnoxious) which calls all the attention away from Jason’s imminent actual achievement. (Seriously, someone actually yells: “Hey guys! Look at Kimberly!” and there’s a poor theater student behind her just acting his ASS off. Normally this childish but typical of Kimberly, display would just be annoying, unfortunately however, Zack is riding around on his skateboard in the middle of the gym/juice bar. Doesn’t he know that skateboarding is a crime? Perhaps skateboarding was not yet a crime in the early 90s. Anyway, Zack loses control of his deck (that’s what the kids call it right? A deck?) and collides face first with Kimberly’s disgusting gum bubble. This distracts Jason causing him to once more drop the giant weights down on his chest and we are forced to watch Kimberly and Zack peeling disgusting sticky goop off their faces. (hehe…)

Meanwhile, on the moon Rita is celebrating Jason’s second failure. Goldar enters and he, Rita, Squat and Baboo go over the plan. It’s pretty complicated but I’ll try to sum it up. They attack Jason and Rita makes Goldar grow really tall. It’s that kind of intuitive thinking that got Rita to where she is today, just really top notch stuff… Finster catches shit from Rita for not settling on a monster to accompany Goldar to the planet’s surface. He suggests “King Sphinx” an Egyptian themed monster who can use his wings to “blow the other rangers away” seems like a sound plan to me.

Zack and Jason are sitting at a table in the gym/juice bar creepily watching Kimberly do her balance beam routine. She comes and joins them at the table and Zack awkwardly apologizes for coating her face in sticky goo (hehe…) Kim tells him not to worry about it, calling it “totally casual.” Perhaps she’s used to such things? (Well, I think that dead horse is good and beaten now. I’ll lay off the facial jokes for the rest of the week… probably.) Jason confesses that he is a bit depressed that he has failed twice at the bench press challenge, he doesn’t want to become known as a quitter. Right on cue Bulk and Skull walk in and start hassling Jason. What I think everyone (including Jason) is forgetting is; while Jason did fail to break the record he still managed to bench press what looked like over 200 pounds over 1,000 times in a row… TWICE! That’s hardly something to be ashamed of ya fuckin’ nimrods! But I digress… Bulk informs Jason that the bench press record still belongs to him (Right, Bulk’s the bench press champion and I’m Richard Simmons.) Bulk decides on a *ahem* unique brand of bullying. He grabs Jason in a sort of abdominal thrust position and basically starts humping him. Because this scene wasn’t already incredibly gay, Jason chooses to tickle Bulk and then step on his foot. Bulk bends over in pain and his pants rip. Skull slowly slides in behind him to help and well… just look at the picture. Bulk scurries away in shame while all the dicks in Angel Grove again all laugh at the fat man. Jason’s walkie-talkie watch beeps just as Ernie walks up with more shakes. They make some lame excuse and slip away. Zordon tells them to teleport to an amphitheater in the park where Rita has teleported some putties and an unknown monster. Strange that it’s unknown because Zordon usually has a lot of information about what Rita is up to.

IT’S MORPHIN TIME!

Rita coaches from up on the moon to stop wasting time fighting and just get the others away from Jason. King Sphinx steps up and starts flapping his little wings causing a huge gust of wind which blows Kimberly all the way back to the gym/juice bar, landing straddling her balance beam and for some reason back in her workout clothes. A similar fate befalls Zack who gets blown out his costume also landing beside Kimberly on the balance beam. For some reason they don’t just use their watches to teleport back and instead just sit there like a couple of morons. Jason is on his own, but he busts out his fancy new sword that he got in the last episode (remember? The one that was apparently more powerful than the freaking Megazord and yet this time doesn’t seem to be worth much? Just then Goldar shows up as Jason seemed to be getting the upper hand. Rita pitches her wand down to earth and makes both King Sphinx AND Goldar grow very large… It’s at this point that I start wondering: WHERE IN THE BLUE HELL ARE TRINI AND BILLY DURING ALL THIS?! They haven’t shown up once so far, and isn’t the whole point of having their little watches so that they can be contacted and teleported in to battle at any time? There’s really no reason for Jason to have to be fighting these guys alone, but that’s exactly what’s happening.

No sooner do I wonder where the hell Trini and Jason are, Zack and Kimberly run into a garage/workshop where Trini and Billy are hanging out. They explain that Billy is in big trouble and needs their help. Again, I don’t mean to nitpick but wasn’t this exactly why they have those walkie-talkie watches that can teleport them anywhere? Their friend is getting his ass kicked by a giant golden lion and an Iron Maiden album cover and they’re just running around chatting! Kimberly points out that “he may need his friends WAY more than he knows.” Well Kimberly, actually Jason’s last line we heard was “I sure miss the others.” He knows full well he needs you and is probably wondering why you’re all taking your sweet ass time like I am. Trini tries to contact Jason on the walkie-talkie watch but there’s no answer. They teleport to the command center instead to get Alpha to look for Jason. They watch him on the crystal ball getting his ass kicked for a while and discuss how terrible it is. Zordon then tells them about the power crystals. The power crystals are the essence of their morphing power that will let them find each other whenever they’re in any peril. This is another example of Zordon waiting until his team is getting killed to bother telling them about another tool in their arsenal. Oh Zordon, you’re such a dick. Zordon sends the crystals to Jason so that the rangers can teleport to him and help. Jason’s sword is suddenly imbued with the powers of the crystals and it shoots some lightning and blows up some rocks. Jason runs over to where the rocks blew up and starts digging until he finds the power crystals (which now look exactly like popsicles). For some reason he recognizes the power crystals (I guess Zordon explained them to him only.) He throws the crystals and the other rangers come running out of the explosion.

WE NEED DINOZORD POWER! NOW!

It had been a long time since we’d seen stock footage so we are treated to 2 minutes of the zord summoning videos. Jason and the rangers jump up into their zords pausing only to pose a few times before they power up their zords and form up the megazord. The giant bad guys (who stood and waited patiently while they transformed into the megazord) start shooting lightning out of their swords and attacking the megazord (which is still in its lame tank formation.) Jason gives the order to complete the Megazord transformation and celebrates with some quick posing. The villains and Rita realize they are once again well and truly boned. Megazord punches King Sphinx and knocks him down. Goldar starts going mental with his sword so Jason quickly switches back down to tank mode and knocks him over then quickly switches back up into standing Megazord mode. King Sphinx suddenly remember he has those crazy wings and starts flapping. Jason realizes the only way to defeat him is to take things up another notch and summon the big ol’ Megazord power sword. He swings it around and turns it into a crazy lightsabre (which is AWESOME) and destroys King Sphinx in a single swing. Goldar, realizing he hasn’t got a prayer against that big sword buggers off back to the moon to be yelled at by an irate Rita.

But wait, there’s still one more loose end to tie up. Jason is back at the gym/juice bar and with the cheering and support of his friends breaks the bench press record. Jason tells them he couldn’t have done it without them (apparently forgetting that those morons are the reason he had to attempt it three times.) Ernie brings them a birthday cake to celebrate (no doubt someone on the crew was having a birthday and they didn’t want to buy a prop so they just took his cake) Bulk enters and demands some cake (we get it. Bulk is fat.) but, he trips over some weights left out on the floor and falls face first into the cake and that my friends, is how THREE major characters ended up with cream all over their faces in a single Power Rangers episode. Sexy. (So I lied about the facial jokes, I’m only human)

THE GOOD

The Megazord's power sword is seriously b.a. Especially when it goes all Jedi on us.

THE BAD

The power crystals. I'm still not really clear on how they work, or even what the hell they are? What's the point of teleporting the crystals to Jason so he can summon the other rangers? Why not just teleport the other rangers there? It really made no sense at all.

Billy and Trini being missing for most of the episode felt weird too. They don't even try to come up with an explanation for why they weren't around for once. It's obvious that the stock footage only had Pink, Red and Black in it for most of the episode but they should have at least come up with some goofy story reason why Billy and Trini wouldn't be there.

THE HILARIOUS

There is a lot of unintended sexual innuendo and sight-gags in this episode. If you're remotely gutter-minded you'll be giggling like a moron throughout most of the gym/juice-bar scenes in this episode.

Fat old Ernie eating sandwiches with his enormous bib also made me laugh pretty hard.

That’s it for this episode. Next week’s story is called “Different Drum” which is the famous episode wherein Rita recruits Rush drummer and lyricist Neil Peart to defeat the Power Rangers. Will Neil go along with her plan? Or will he choose not to of his own Free Will? And will the Power Rangers once again experience One Little Victory? Find out next time.