Episode 11 - "No Clowning Around"

Episode 11 – “No Clowning Around”

Welcome back, my friends to the show that never ends, at least that’s the way it feels sometimes; and we’re only at episode 11! You may have noticed some cosmetic changes to the site and no doubt agree with me that it still looks like shit. Perhaps shit is too strong a word, mediocre perhaps. It looks very amateurish and cheap though (not unlike its author.) I have plans in the works to change this in the hopefully-no-too-distant future. For now, courage.

RECAP

We kick things off this week at an amusement park (possibly an amusement park/juice bar.) Our heroes are watching as Zack wanders around on a pair of stilts. In a move that will surprise nobody Zack starts dancing on said stilts, this of course leads to him falling and another homo-erotic exchange between Zack and Jason. The plucky teens wander off to check out the rest of the fair, leaving a random clown to deal with the stilts. The clown stands and watches the rangers leave, suddenly there is a flash and we at home can see a sort of x-ray of sorts showing that the clown is in fact a putty patroller. I don’t really understand why this needed to be done, but now we know that these clowns are in fact up to no good. Another clown comes up to the putty clown and gives him a friendly pat on the back, explaining that they will soon destroy the power rangers and then they toss their heads back and laugh like a really good simile for laughing that I can’t think of at the moment. (It’s really hot today, cut me some slack.)

Trini walks through the fair with her cousin Cynthia and then we see Bulk and Skull steal some cotton candy from an unsuspecting vendor. Bulk… YOU DON’T NEED ANYMORE CANDY! The rangers and little Cynthia (or possibly Sylvia, Trini mumbles so…) are watching the evil clown (who reassured the putty clown from earlier) juggle. He asks Billy to try to juggle the eggs and of course the eggs land on Bulk and Skull. Cynthia/Sylvia asks Trini if she can stay and play with the clown (whose name is Pineapple). This kid has never read IT.

On the moon, Rita is watching these events unfold and she’s thrilled at how nicely everyone’s walking into her trap. She barges into Finster’s workshop and tells him to get phase 2 ready. She asks if the clown is ready because lord knows she doesn’t want any screw-ups this time. Finster explains that everything’s cool and she needs to mellow out. He tells her that Pineapple will use his powers to turn the rangers one-by-one into cardboard cutouts. Then he’ll turn into a horrible pineapple/octopus monster and destroy the town. Rita digs this plan even though it sounds RIDICULOUS. Squat and Baboo inform Rita that Pineapple is about to make his move.

Back at the fair, the rangers making a lame kneeling pyramid to entertain Cynthia/Sylvia. Trini looks over to see if Cynthia/Sylvia is looking at their awesome pyramid and she sees the little shmuck wandering off holding hands with a creepy clown. This child is even stupider than Engineer Will. What the hell kind of child just wanders off with strange clowns? I’m sure her parents told her not to talk to strangers, but even if they hadn’t this is one dodgy looking clown. This girl will apparently believe/go along with anything that is said to her and I guarantee Cynthia/Sylvia will be pregnant before the end of high school assuming she survives whatever Pederast Pineapple has in store. Trini is not nearly panicked enough, and casually wanders off to look for stupid cousin. She’s now lost a “little-sister” and a cousin. Who keeps putting these girls in her care? Anyway she keeps searching and eventually finds the little brat, she tries to take her back but the clown says to pound sand. Pineapple turns Cynthia/Sylvia into a cardboard cutout and then bolts. For some reason he doesn’t transform Trini (the POWER RANGER) and she runs back and finds the rest of the rangers. Jason sends Trini back to the command center and then grabs a megaphone and tells everyone in the park to run away. Without ANY convincing all the park patrons start screaming and running for their lives. Billy tells them to “Bipedally ambulate to the nearest convenient outlet” and miraculously no one beats him up for being such a fucking nerd. With the park abandoned the rangers notice that there’s some “harmless clowns” left. But… OH NO!!! THOSE AREN’T CLOWNS! THOSE ARE PUTTY PATROLLERS!!! Billy is lured away by Pineapple leaving the Kimberly, Zack and Jason to fight off the mob of puttys. The rangers use their environment to fight the puttys (translation: they run the puttys over with roller-coasters and such) and then the four rangers regroup and confront Pineapple who melts and turns into the weird Pineapple/Tentacle monster.
Rita is watching all this happen and decides that Pineapple could use some backup and sends Goldar, Squatt, Baboo and a butt-load more puttys to assist.

IT’S MORPHIN TIME!!!

There is some great footage of the rangers fighting the puttys and some discussion about how Pineapple has slipped away while they were fighting. In the command center, Alpha tells Trini that according to his scans all that’s missing from Cynthia/Sylvia is water! He pours a bucket of water onto the cardboard cutout and it revives Cynthia/Sylvia. This is by far the stupidest power-rangers science we’ve seen in the whole show. I mean BIG-TIME retarded.

Back at the battle, Pineapple tries to use his cardboard dust on the rangers but it turns out that their suits protect them from that particular magic power. Not one to be discouraged, Pineapple clobbers the rangers anyway. Rita senses a victory is near so she MAKES HER MONSTER GROW!!! Pineapple laughs evilly as Trini charges into battle and Jason utters his familiar catch-phrase.

WE NEED DINOZORD POWER NOW!!!

80 foot leaps, poses and catch-phrases follow and then Trini charges in in the sabre-toothed tiger zord. Billy launches the horns off the Triceratops zord to tie up Pineapple and then Zack shoots ice out of the Mastodon zord to freeze Pineapple in his tracks. Jason calls for Megazord power. Billy explains that a multi-phase energy blast should weaken Pineapple. They launch the cannons on the Megazord and put Pineapple on the ropes. Jason says it’s time to finish him and they activate battle-mode. Megazord unleashes a move we’ve never seen before and shoots lightning out of his helmet which sends Pineapple down for the count! Naturally this doesn’t sit too well with Rita who as usual yells at Finster, poor beleaguered Finster, goes to show that crime doesn’t pay. Especially if you work for an evil space queen whose voice doesn’t match her lips.

There’s a little denouement in the park with the rangers and Cynthia/Sylvia and Zack on his stilts again, but it’s so fucking stupid we’re not even going to discuss it.

THE GOOD

Lots of fighting and we got to see the zords do some stuff before forming Megazord for once.

THE BAD

Alpha pours a bucket of water on cardboard to save Cynthia/Sylvia

THE HILARIOUS

They fought an evil clown who turns into a pineapple/tentacle monster. COME ON


Lots of battles this week means I give this one 3.5 power coins out of 5. Would have scored higher, but the cardboard thing was just too stupid.
Well that’s it for today, don’t miss Friday’s installment where we take a look at episode 12 entitled “Power Ranger Punks” where the Rangers get possessed by evil spirits and have to be defeated by special guest stars: THE RAMONES.