Episode 23 - "Itsy, Bitsy Spider"

Episode 23 - “Itsy, Bitsy Spider”

No announcements or extra chit-chat this week, let's get straight into the episode.

RECAP

We kick things off this time with our heroes harassing all the other students to sign a petition to stop the city council from tearing down some old shitty statue to put up a BBQ pit. Bulk points out that Trini is retarded and that BBQ sounds really fucking good. I have to agree with the fat man on this one. Anyway, Trini and Billy explain that the statue was put up to protect the people from insects with magic. FUCK. Now I want the city to knock over both the statue and the crazy broad babbling all this pseudoscientific bullshit. The best part is that they show a big hairy spider to illustrate the concept of insects. SPIDERS ARE ARACHNIDS YOU STUPID BITCH. Anyway, Bulk decides to be a dick and empties the terrariums full of maggots, grubs, spiders and other bugs into the air onto the heads of the other students. Everyone freaks out and Kimberly tells the fat man and his sidekick that what goes around, comes around (meaning at some point a bug is gonna fuck with these guys at some point today.)

Meanwhile, Squatt, Baboo and a bunch of putties are stealing the very same statue that Trini and Billy were trying to save. I wonder if that means Rita is going to use a big insect monster this week?

Back at school, there is some idle chitchat about there being a few ants still missing. (This is called exposition) Kimberly suggests they have a picnic and the ants will just come marching back. Shut the fuck up Kimberly. Billy walks up with a little white mouse in his hands for some reason. He explains that the mouse is his research assistant. Enter Bulk and Skull who throw a book at Billy causing Billy to drop the mouse. The mouse runs up Skull's pants and Skull dances around like an asshole until Billy retrieves the mouse. More than five minutes in and NOTHING has happened so far. This does not bode well.

On the moon, the goonies are admiring the statue that Squatt and Baboo stole. Rita screams at Finster to create a spider monster, then they're going to stash it inside an exact duplicate of the statue they stole (along with some spiders and moths for some reason) the moths are going to sprinkle sleeping powder to put everyone (including the power rangers) to sleep! The best thing about this scene is that you can see the tire of Rita's bicycle in the foreground the whole time.

While this is going on, the rangers (minus Tommy and Zack who are teaching classes or something) are hanging out in a field (Billy wearing a bitchin' safari hat) catching bugs. Suddenly, they are attacked by putty patrollers. There is a mediocre fight sequence involving Billy swinging a putty around with his butterfly net by the head.

At a different field, Zack is teaching a dancing class (at least I think that's what he's doing. He's dancing and there's a bunch of kids standing around watching him. Which is a really terrible way to teach somebody anything.) Zack explains the secret to martial arts is funkier music. He goes to put on some really funky jams and discovers he left the cassette (aw, how quaint) in his car. He goes to get it and while he's gone a bunch of moths fly in and sprinkle sleeping powder on his students. Zack returns to find all his young wards fast asleep. He radios Zordon who explains that the moths are made of sleeping powder and that Zack must go after them. Zack points out that he probably shouldn't be leaving a bunch of sleeping 10 year old boys alone in the middle of the park, but Zordon says he'll keep an eye on them. I'm sure that will go over very well if one of their parents finds them. “It's ok that I left your child in a coma in the park, my friend the giant floating head was watching them on his crystal ball!” Sheesh. Zack remembers the bullshit Trini was telling him earlier about the magical statue that protects people from insects. He runs over to it but discovers that the statue in the park isn't the real one! It's supposed to have a flower in its hair, and it has a snake!!!

IT'S MORPHIN' TIME FOR JUST ZACK! EVEN THOUGH HE'S ONLY SUPPOSED TO USE HIS POWERS IN AN EMERGENCY AND A STATUE WITH THE WRONG HEAD DECORATION DOESN'T REALLY SEEM LIKE A GOOD USE OF THIS POWER... I MEAN, I'M JUST SAYIN...

Zack decides the best way to get to the bottom of everything is to shoot the statue with his axe-cannon. (Obviously.) The statue shatters and reveals the spider monster lurking within. “Aw man, I knew it!” moans Zack. My question is this: if you knew that was going to happen... WHY DID YOU DO IT?! The spider monster (which looks nothing like a spider) jumps into action and is joined by Goldar!

Meanwhile, the other rangers (minus Tommy) are still dicking around in the field playing with bugs. Zordon calls them and tells them to get their butts to the statue because Zack is getting pwned.

IT'S MORPHIN' TIME BECAUSE IT'S AN ACTUAL EMERGENCY!

The rangers start sparring with the spider (apparently Goldar is just hanging out watching now, because he's not fighting) and then Rita decides to MAKE HER MONSTER GROW! So, now we have a really big spider monster who looks nothing like a spider.

WE NEED DINOZORD POWER NOW!!!

Again, noone has bothered to call Tommy. The guy almost defeated all 5 of them BY HIMSELF and they don't bother to get his help. Fools. Anyway, the rangers sans Zack summon Megazord and lock it into battle-mode. The spider waits patiently for it to finish transforming before launching any kind of assault. Megazord uses the devastating “punch you in the face” maneuver and knocks the spider on its ass. Not to be beaten that easily, the spider shoots some sticky webs at the megazord which makes it fall over. Jason counters this by having all the zords disengage from the megazord and go back to individual mode. They all start using their individual powers to battle the spider. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to be doing the trick. They just aren't powerful enough to defeat the hairy bugger. Jason contacts Zordon to whine that they need Tommy. (Told ya)

IT'S TOMMY'S MORPHIN' TIME AND ALSO DRAGONZORD POWER NOW!

The Dragonzord is so cool. He does like cool tail swipey moves and big punches and stuff, it's pretty cool. Anyway, the spider monster uses his web move again, but Tommy counters with the awesome finger rocket-launcher. Jason suggests they summon the MEGA-Dragonzord. Which is also awesome. Everything about this show gets cooler when the Dragonzord gets involved. He does a big lazer-lance style move and blows the spider up. Nice.

Zack runs back to the park as his comatose students are waking up and acts like nothing happens. The kids just kind of go with it, seems weird I know.

The next day, Trini announces that the city council has decided to keep the statue up! Who gives a shit. Zack tells everyone that he's finally over his fear of spiders, but wait... what's that on your shoulder Zack?! WHOOOOOOOOAAAHHHH. Terriffic.

THE GOOD

All the Dragonzord stuff

THE BAD

SPIDERS ARE ARACHNIDS

THE HILARIOUS

The statue saves people from bugs. WTF?

Not a great episode, but not the worst either. I give it a 3 out 5 power-coins.

That's it for this week. See you on tuesday.

Episode 22 - "The Trouble With Shellshock"

Episode 22 - “The Trouble With Shellshock”

It's been a week, but I'm back and ready to rocket. Before I do I'll just briefly mention the movie I just saw. (Well, saw twice now.) I can not put into words how highly I recommend “Scott Pilgrim VS The World” to you all. It's the best movie I've seen all year and a definite contender for favorite of all time. Go now and watch it. Never mind this sill blog, just go watch it. I'll be here when you get back.

Hi again, wasn't it awesome? Told you. Now, on with today's episode.

RECAP

We start things off this week with the gang watching Zack and Jason in their b-boy stance. (Is that a basketball reference? Is that what a b-boy is? I honestly have no idea.) We see that Squatt is watching them from behind some bushes and it seems that there is a plan afoot to catch the rangers unawares. Zack pulls some totally styling moves and sinks a long shot. From outside the paint. (Again, I think that's a basketball reference, but I'm just sort of faking it here.) Squatt rubs his hands together with glee, apparently he thinks that the sissy rangers won't stand a chance against the monster he and Baboo are cooking up.

On the moon, Rita is sleeping. In some kind of rocking chair or something. Squatt and Baboo sneak past her and get to work on their monster. It's supposed to be a surprise for Rita. Like a mother's day kind of thing? Baboo reveals that his dark and scary monster is a big clay turtle with a traffic light stuck into his head. In case you think you misread that, I'll say it again. It's a big clay turtle with a traffic light stuck into his head. Squatt is as puzzled as we are about what the hell Baboo thinks they will accomplish with Clay-Turtle-With-Traffic-Light-Stuck-In-His-Head, but Baboo says he'll have to wait and see. Anyway, Squatt comes up with the name “Shelshock” for the little dickens, but I'm sticking with “Clay-Turtle-With-Traffic-Light-Stuck-In-His-Head.” They decide to send some putties down to Earth to soften up our heroes before they send Clay-Turtle-With-Traffic-Light-Stuck-In-His-Head into action.

The basketball game is continuing only now it's Jason and Tommy VS Zack. He's so good at basketball that he can take both of them on! The putties run in and steal the rangers ball. Jerks. Kung Fu happens etc. My favorite part is when Tommy hits a putty in the stomach with the basketball. What a badass. After being squashed by the rangers the remainder of the putties retreat causing Squatt and Baboo to make weepy noises. They decide it's time to send in Clay-Turtle-With-Traffic-Light-Stuck-In-His-Head. Tommy leaves to head to karate practice and the others walk up to a hotdog cart that happened to roll up just as the putties disappeared. Lucky. Coincidentally, Bulk and Skull follow the food into the scene and steal the rangers ball. Heated words are exchanged before the situation turns to fisticuffs. As per usual, the tussle ends with Bulk and Skull falling into the hotdog cart and getting covered in condiments. After the idiocy that was the previous scene, we cut to Squatt and Baboo giving instructions to Clay-Turtle-With-Traffic-Light-Stuck-In-His-Head. They tell him to freeze them with his “stop-ray” (creative name) first. Clay-Turtle-With-Traffic-Light-Stuck-In-His-Head shoots a lazer and blows up the basketball. They're really getting their money's worth out of that prop.

IT'S MORPHIN TIME!

Clay-Turtle-With-Traffic-Light-Stuck-In-His-Head shoots the “go beam” at Trini which apparently makes unable to stop moving, she runs off in the opposite direction of the fight as the other rangers leap into action. They kick him so hard that suddenly they're in the city and not the park. Weird. Clay-Turtle-With-Traffic-Light-Stuck-In-His-Head uses the “stop beam” again on the rangers and freezes them in place. Then (and stay with me here, because it gets a little wiggy) he pulls his turtle head into his turtle shell and pushes out a cannon barrel. He shoots it at the rangers, and it looks like he hits them, but I guess he didn't because Jason just jumps through the sparks and shoots his own laser. Squatt, Baboo and Clay-Turtle-With-Traffic-Light-Stuck-In-His-Head retreat.

On the moon, Goldar is giving everybody shit for doing all this without Rita's permission. We see that Rita isn't really sleeping, just faking it. We don't know why she'd be doing such a thing, but there you go. Another thing that's weird is that Goldar has a completely different voice than usual. Rita wakes up and praises the efforts of her goons. It's like this weird episode takes place in some kind of bizarro universe.

At the command center, Alpha explains that Clay-Turtle-With-Traffic-Light-Stuck-In-His-Head used his “stop ray” on the Blue, Black and Pink rangers and that's why they're frozen in position. He tells Jason that there is no known cure. Didn't Squatt and Baboo just create this guy? Why would Alpha know anything about him? And how would he know about the beam? Bah. Zordon pipes up and says that there is a rare flower that can reverse the effects of the beam. Apparently it only grows on the mountain of hope. He has sent Trini to retrieve it, before Rita destroys them all.

Rita doesn't intend to make it easy for them and she MAKES HER MONSTER GROW! Clay-Turtle-With-Traffic-Light-Stuck-In-His-Head starts knocking over buildings and says this awesome line: “Wait till these teenage mutants see what a full grown turtle can do. Ha! Ninja Turtles allusion. Jason stands around like an asshole in the command center and watches the turtle wreak havoc.

WE NEED DINOZORD POWER! NOW!!!

T-Rex charges into action (or rather slowly stumbles into action.) Clay-Turtle-With-Traffic-Light-Stuck-In-His-Head grabs a bat and a big hook and starts to tussle with T-Rex. While this is going on we cut back to Tommy who is just spinning around a stick in a karate class. Doesn't he have a fucking communicator watch? Why didn't the rangers call him when this started? We don't find out yet because we cut to the planet where Trini is still unable to stop moving, but is searching for the flower. At the fight Jason yells for help, apparently his zord can't handle too much more. Zordon tells Trini that he has sent her the Sabre Tooth Tiger zord to help retrieve the flower. She says the words “I call on the power of the sabre tooth tiger to bring me the flower!” and then magically the flowers appear in her hand. The zord doesn't do a god damn thing. WHAT?!

At the juice bar/gymnasium Tommy's communicator watch finally goes off.

IT'S BOTH MORPHIN TIME AND FLUTE PLAYING TO SUMMON DRAGONZORD POWER! TIME NOW!!!

T-Rex and the way cool Dragonzord keep pounding away at Clay-Turtle-With-Traffic-Light-Stuck-In-His-Head. But just when it looks like Clay-Turtle-With-Traffic-Light-Stuck-In-His-Head is finished he manages to nail T-Rex and Dragonzord with the stop beam! But, Trini arrives just in time and sprinkles pixie dust from the flower on Clay-Turtle-With-Traffic-Light-Stuck-In-His-Head which releases all the rangers from the powers of Clay-Turtle-With-Traffic-Light-Stuck-In-His-Head. Dragonzord does the cool “rocket-launcher in its fingers” trick and he and T-Rex blast Clay-Turtle-With-Traffic-Light-Stuck-In-His-Head into oblivion. In the command center, it's high-fives all around. On the moon Rita is pissed and as usual shouts at her goonies. Next time Gadget! Next time!

Back on earth those teens still have nothing better to do than play basketball again. Tommy challenges Zack to a game where the winner must buy lunch. Zack trash talks and buries Tommy. Billy steps up and challenges Zack to double or nothing. Something fishy is going on! Billy manages to steal the ball from Zack and then slam dunks it. I figured there would be a twist here, but there isn't. Billy just dunks the ball and wins I guess and we go to credits. That's a fucked up ending.

THE GOOD

More action that usual, and the rangers being split up means we saw different things than the usual Megazord>Sword>Win combo we usually see.

THE BAD

The weird Billy basketball ending.

THE HILARIOUS

THERE WAS A GOD DAMN GIANT TURTLE WITH A TRAFFIC LIGHT STICKING OUT OF HIS HEAD THAT SHOT MAGIC RAYS AND COULD ONLY BE DEFEATED BY A FUCKING FLOWER.

A good episode coming out of the 5 part Green ranger story! I give it 3.5 power-coins out of 5.

That's it for today, don't miss friday when I'll be taking a look at episode 23 “Itsy Bitsy Spider” in which David Cronenberg comes to town and he and David Lynch have a “who's the more weird” competition with the rangers as judge! (Cronenberg made a movie called “Spider.” I couldn't come up with a funny joke and haven't actually seen it so couldn't really reference it. It's my first day back after a week off, cut me some slack.)

Episode 21 - "Green With Evil - Part V"

Episode 21 - “Green With Evil – Part V”

Hello folks, it's time for the conclusion to the Green Ranger storyline! But first, an announcement. Due to the work-week I've just been through I haven't had time to get any posts in the can for next week while I'm away teaching in the land of no Wi-Fi. So there will be no updates next week. Regular service will resume the following tuesday. (That's August 17.) Thanks for understanding. Now, on with part V of “GREEN WITH EVIL!”

RECAP

We pick up where we left off with the Rangers in shock, having learned that the Green Ranger is none other than Tommy! The rangers are resolved to breaking Rita's spell and saving Tommy!

On the moon the Groovy Ghoulies (my new name for the bad guys) are celebrating the destruction of the Megazord. They are about to launch the final phase of the evil plan to rule the Earth. (Probably just giant monsters stomping around like usual)

The rangers come up with a terrible, terrible plan to split up and search for Tommy. They tell Alpha to keep searching for Zordon while they search.

At the gymnasium/juice bar the teens are all gathered around the TV watching the news coverage of the destruction that Goldar and Rita have been causing. Ernie points out that it's a good thing the rangers are around or else who knows what might happen. Bulk and Skull take issue with that, they feel that they should be the ones being thanked. After all, they were the ones that helped the rangers scare off Goldar. (Liars.) Kimberly asks Ernie if he's seen Tommy, and he points him out to her sitting in the corner. Way to lay low Tommy. Kimberly (as usual, the stupidest broad in the world) marches straight up to the evil, super-strong teenager and confronts him with the knowledge that he's the Green ranger. Lucky for her, Tommy lets her off with a warning for some reason.

Back on he moon, we get some exposition. Apparently there is a Dragonzord that Rita has the power to summon. Rita uses her wand to raise said zord from the ocean. Now we know the final plan to destroy the power rangers. She's going to give this (totally badass) zord to Tommy.

TOMMY NEEDS DRAGONZORD POWER NOW!

At the command center, Alpha is still trying to rescue Zordon with a bunch of techno-babble about accessing his dimensional file (whatever the fuck that means) apparently he does it and now it's only a matter of time before the computer locates the big giant head.

Kimberly explains to the other rangers that she found Tommy and tells them that his eyes were glowing green. (Apparently noone noticed that his eyes have been doing that for the past 5 episodes.) Kimberly informs everyone that Tommy knows all of their secret identities. Just then, Trini charges in to tell the rangers that there is a monster attacking the business district! OH NO! In this economic climate? Rita, will you stop at nothing?!

IT'S MORPHIN TIME!

The rangers leap to the top of a building and see Tommy riding on top of the Dragon zord. Tommy plays a flute (which is his dagger) through his mask (which has no lips) and signals the Dragonzord to launch rockets out its fingers. (I may be the first man in history to write that sentence.) The rangers big plan to save Tommy from Rita's spell appears to be to keep shouting up at the roof for Tommy to stop. Brilliant. Tommy ignores their pleas and keeps playing the dagger-flute and having the Dragonzord attack the rangers. Not so easy without your Megazord is it guys?

Back at the command center, Alpha has rescued Zordon! Alpha explains to Zordon that the rangers zords were destroyed. Zordon tells Alpha that it ain't no thang. He does something that makes their power coins start glowing. Then there's an earthquake and their zords are magically back together. What. The. Fuck.

APPARENTLY WE NEED DINOZORD POWER DESPITE THEM BEING DESTROYED. FUCK.

Anyway, the rangers all jump into their zords and set to work. Zordon explains that if they destroy the Sword of Darkness then Rita's spell will be broken. There's some cool footage of the T-Rex zord and Dragonzord wrasslin' but the Dragonzord is still too powerful for the T-Rex. IF ONLY THE T-REX HAD LONGER ARMS! But, just when it seems too late, T-REX does a jumping jack and drop kicks the Dragonzord, knocking it prone. With the Dragonzord momentarily down, the rangers initiate Megazord sequence. Oh snap, this shit just got real. Megazord picks up the Dragonzord, military press style, throws it into a mountain and then starts wailing on it with the sword. Then it picks up Dragonzord by the tail (Mario style) and flings it into another mountain. For some reason, Jason then apologizes to Tommy because he's going to have to destroy his sword to save him. (I don't get why he's apologizing.) Jason flips out of the Megazord and he and Tommy have a wicked sword fight on the ground. Jason whips out his blaster and starts shooting, but Tommy appears to be bullet-proof while playing his flute. The true revelation is that the Green Ranger wasn't Tommy all along, it was Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull... Terrific. Jason shoots the Sword of Darkness and just like that... Tommy is saved! The rangers morph back into their attitudinal teenage selves and go to Tommy's side. Tommy is all mopey because he did so many bad things under Rita's control. But, Jason convinces Tommy not to sweat it and to join the Power Rangers.

Back at the command center, Zordon explains that the prophecy has been fulfilled (God dammit you big giant head, what fucking prophecy?! You're just making shit up week after week aren't you?!)

IT'S MORPHIN TIME WITH EXTRA STOCK FOOTAGE AND POSING BECAUSE NOW THERE'S AN EXTRA RANGER! HOLY SHIT!

Zordon informs us (and the Rangers I guess) that the Dragonzord can combine with the Triceratops, Sabre-tooth tiger and Mastodon to form a new cool zord called The Dragonzord-in-fighting-mode. Bet you were expecting a cool name, me too. I am super disappointed.

Back on the moon the groovy-ghoulies are making the usual noise. They are super bummed about losing, oh well. At least they still have those sandwiches to look forward to.

In the command center, everyone’s standing around patting themselves on the back. Zordon tells Tommy the rules of the club and he tells Zordon he can count on him 100%. Billy, the fastest genius in the west, has already built a communicator/transporter/wristwatch for Tommy so I guess all that's left to do is jump in the air and pose. Which they do. Awesome.

THE GOOD

The Dragonzord is sweeeeeeeeeet. As was a lot of the fighting in this episode.

THE BAD

HOW THE FUCK ARE THE ZORDS BACK?!! THAT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH!!!!

THE HILARIOUS

I guess the fact that Rita didn't bother sending any of the other groovy-ghoulies to help out was pretty funny.

Despite some ludicrous plot holes (seriously, how in the blue hell are the god damn zords back?!) it was a good ending to that story. Plus, now we have the cool Dragonzord and whatnot. I'm giving this one 4 power-coins out of 5 and the whole Green With Evil storyline the same.

That's all the time we have for today, I'll see you in a week when I'll be back with more Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I leave you with one final Douglas Adams quote.

“"The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases.
"For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question How can we eat? the second by the question Why do we eat? and the third by the question Where shall we have lunch?" - Douglas Adams

Episode 20 - "Green With Evil - Part IV"

Episode 20 - “Green With Evil – Part IV”

Hello everyone! Welcome back once again. Before we get into this week's episode I'd like to share a recommendation for a TV series. I've been catching up on “Warehouse 13” in the last couple days and I absolutely love it. It's second season is currently airing on Syfy and it's worth checking out for science fiction fans. Basically, it's about a team of secret service agents who work for a department called “Warehouse 13” the collect, catalogue and neutralize strange artifacts with supernatural effects. It's got a little of everything in it, horror, suspense, comedy, sci-fi. I'd describe it as being a little X-files mixed with some Doctor Who and a little Ghostbusters thrown in for good measure. Check it out and send me an email at joeygruszecki@gmail.com and let me know what you think.

Now, on with the part 4 of the Green Ranger storyline.

RECAP

We start off in the command center with the rangers watching Goldar smash up downtown Angel Grove, (or as Zack puts it “Goldar's blowing the world to bits!”) we waste no time getting into it this week.

IT'S MORPHIN TI... OMGSPARKSWTFMATE?!!

The rangers attempt to morph but there is some kind of interdimensional power surge being caused by the computer searching for Zordon. It has shut off all power in the conmand center including the morphing grid. The world is defenseless!

On the moon, Finster recaps what's going on (in case someone missed last week's episode) saying that giant Goldar is destroying buildings to lure the rangers out into the open with their Megazord. If you'll recall, Rita plans to eclipse the sun so that the Megazord will be powerless and they can destroy it. There is seriously 3 minutes of recap and exposition before we determine that the plan is to shut down the Megazord and let the Green Ranger finish them off.

Back on Earth, Goldar is smashing everything to hell, but the Rangers still can't do anything about it. Billy comes up with a plan (looks like he's just hotwiring the computer) but at last: results! The command center hums back to life and our heroes can get down to business.

IT'S REALLY MORPHIN' TIME FOR SERIOUS THIS TIME!

The rangers start into kicking some putty asses, but before they get too comfy Scorpina charges in and joins the fray. She distracts the rangers so well that they almost don't notice 5,000 foot Goldar trying to stomp on them!

At the command center, Alpha has had some luck in locating Zordon, through the static he tells Alpha that he's in sector C-9 (YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!) and Alpha gets to work trying to lock onto him. At the gymnasium/juice bar everyone is evacuating as it seems the building is about to collapse! Everyone that is, except Bulk and Skull. Bulk explains that he doesn't want to leave the building because he hasn't finished his ice cream yet. Atta boy fatty, good to have priorities. I steel girder falls in front of him and that gives him the motivation he needs to finish his ice cream and he and Skull run out of the building and steal a bus... terriffic.

Alpha nearly has Zordon found, but too late! The Green Ranger teleports into the command center! He unplugs some little cord on Alpha and Alpha collapses in sparks! This doesn't look good!

While all this is going on, Rita hovers in the air on her magical flying bicycle watching the rangers battle and gives Goldar the order to initiate the super-secret plan. Apparently, said plan is for Goldar to grab the bus that Bulk and Skull stole and tell the rangers to surrender or else he'll destory the bus? I guess?

The Green Ranger has one of those “evil will win! No it won't! Yes it will!” conversations with Zordon. He sends him to some other dimension again and apparently this time he's gone forever (I doubt it.)

Apparently while this was going on, Goldar set the bus down on a cliff and now a bunch of putties are rocking it back and forth like a bunch of NFL fans whose team just won a big game. (I promise not to make sports jokes ever again.) The rangers run over to assist Bulk and Skull, but they're intercepted by Goldar!

Back at the command venter, apparently Tommy didn't finish sending Zordon to another dimension yet because of all the taunting. Alpha's backup power kicks in and he tells the computer to set up some kind of power shield or something around Tommy! CAPTURED! For once things are going well for the rangers. Speaking of the rangers...

WE NEED DINOZORD POWER! NOW!

The zords roll into battle and immediately kick into Megazord mode. YOU FOOLS! That's just what Rita WANTS you to do. They get the Megazord up just in time as Bulk and Skull's bus starts tumbling down the cliff, but the rangers manage to catch it and move it to safety. The Megazord was doing well against Goldar so Rita decides to uneven the odds a bit and MAKES HER MONSTER GROW! Specifically she makes Scorpina grow! Then she starts casting her eclipse spell and the Megazord starts losing power fast. I'm amazed how quickly their power cells drained, but Trini suggests they summon the power sword which can apparently charge up the power cells. There is no explanation about how that makes sense, so we just go with it. With the sword, the Megazord starts doing much better agains Goldart and Scorpina.

At the command center, the Green Ranger is still trash-talking Alpha, who gets fed up and tries to unmask him, but too late. Rita teleports him to the battle and MAKES HER GREEN RANGER GROW!!! Goldar and Scorpina kindly step aside so that Megazord only has to fight Green Ranger. The rangers summon what little power they have left to try and finish the fight, but then Goldar and Scorpina join the fray and it looks like it's curtains for the Megazord. Tommy and Goldar combine swords to deal the crushing blow and knock the Megazord into the giant chasm that has opened up conveniently right behind them. The rangers escape, but the Megazord is not so lucky. It falls into some lava and the zords are DESTROYED! Wow. Epic.

I guess the rangers escape because next thing we see they're back in the command center moping around. Everyone but Jason seems ready to throw in the multi-colored towel... Just when all hope seems to be lost the computer delivers some good news. Apparently, when Green Ranger was captured in the force-field the computer locked onto something or other and was able to determine his true identity. The rangers are flabbergasted to see that it was Tommy all along! Which just goes to show how stupid they are because it was RIDICULOUSLY obvious. TO BE CONTINUED!!

THE GOOD

Most of this episode was great! Fast moving, lots of battles and the Megazord got destroyed, that's like the Enterprise going down at the end of Star Trek III! Pretty sweet

THE BAD

Not much. I guess Tommy's dialogue was atrocious as usual.

THE HILARIOUS

Bulk wouldn't abandon a collapsing building because he wanted to finish his ICE CREAM

Overall, the best episode yet. 4.5/5 power-coins!

Well that's it. We're almost to the end of the Green Ranger storyline! I can't wait to see the conclusion. Join me on friday to see the end! I'll leave you again with another quote from the great Douglas Adams:

“The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.” - Douglas Adams “The Restaurant at the End of the Universe”