Friday, August 20, 2010

Episode 23 - "Itsy, Bitsy Spider"

Episode 23 - “Itsy, Bitsy Spider”

No announcements or extra chit-chat this week, let's get straight into the episode.

RECAP

We kick things off this time with our heroes harassing all the other students to sign a petition to stop the city council from tearing down some old shitty statue to put up a BBQ pit. Bulk points out that Trini is retarded and that BBQ sounds really fucking good. I have to agree with the fat man on this one. Anyway, Trini and Billy explain that the statue was put up to protect the people from insects with magic. FUCK. Now I want the city to knock over both the statue and the crazy broad babbling all this pseudoscientific bullshit. The best part is that they show a big hairy spider to illustrate the concept of insects. SPIDERS ARE ARACHNIDS YOU STUPID BITCH. Anyway, Bulk decides to be a dick and empties the terrariums full of maggots, grubs, spiders and other bugs into the air onto the heads of the other students. Everyone freaks out and Kimberly tells the fat man and his sidekick that what goes around, comes around (meaning at some point a bug is gonna fuck with these guys at some point today.)

Meanwhile, Squatt, Baboo and a bunch of putties are stealing the very same statue that Trini and Billy were trying to save. I wonder if that means Rita is going to use a big insect monster this week?

Back at school, there is some idle chitchat about there being a few ants still missing. (This is called exposition) Kimberly suggests they have a picnic and the ants will just come marching back. Shut the fuck up Kimberly. Billy walks up with a little white mouse in his hands for some reason. He explains that the mouse is his research assistant. Enter Bulk and Skull who throw a book at Billy causing Billy to drop the mouse. The mouse runs up Skull's pants and Skull dances around like an asshole until Billy retrieves the mouse. More than five minutes in and NOTHING has happened so far. This does not bode well.

On the moon, the goonies are admiring the statue that Squatt and Baboo stole. Rita screams at Finster to create a spider monster, then they're going to stash it inside an exact duplicate of the statue they stole (along with some spiders and moths for some reason) the moths are going to sprinkle sleeping powder to put everyone (including the power rangers) to sleep! The best thing about this scene is that you can see the tire of Rita's bicycle in the foreground the whole time.

While this is going on, the rangers (minus Tommy and Zack who are teaching classes or something) are hanging out in a field (Billy wearing a bitchin' safari hat) catching bugs. Suddenly, they are attacked by putty patrollers. There is a mediocre fight sequence involving Billy swinging a putty around with his butterfly net by the head.

At a different field, Zack is teaching a dancing class (at least I think that's what he's doing. He's dancing and there's a bunch of kids standing around watching him. Which is a really terrible way to teach somebody anything.) Zack explains the secret to martial arts is funkier music. He goes to put on some really funky jams and discovers he left the cassette (aw, how quaint) in his car. He goes to get it and while he's gone a bunch of moths fly in and sprinkle sleeping powder on his students. Zack returns to find all his young wards fast asleep. He radios Zordon who explains that the moths are made of sleeping powder and that Zack must go after them. Zack points out that he probably shouldn't be leaving a bunch of sleeping 10 year old boys alone in the middle of the park, but Zordon says he'll keep an eye on them. I'm sure that will go over very well if one of their parents finds them. “It's ok that I left your child in a coma in the park, my friend the giant floating head was watching them on his crystal ball!” Sheesh. Zack remembers the bullshit Trini was telling him earlier about the magical statue that protects people from insects. He runs over to it but discovers that the statue in the park isn't the real one! It's supposed to have a flower in its hair, and it has a snake!!!

IT'S MORPHIN' TIME FOR JUST ZACK! EVEN THOUGH HE'S ONLY SUPPOSED TO USE HIS POWERS IN AN EMERGENCY AND A STATUE WITH THE WRONG HEAD DECORATION DOESN'T REALLY SEEM LIKE A GOOD USE OF THIS POWER... I MEAN, I'M JUST SAYIN...

Zack decides the best way to get to the bottom of everything is to shoot the statue with his axe-cannon. (Obviously.) The statue shatters and reveals the spider monster lurking within. “Aw man, I knew it!” moans Zack. My question is this: if you knew that was going to happen... WHY DID YOU DO IT?! The spider monster (which looks nothing like a spider) jumps into action and is joined by Goldar!

Meanwhile, the other rangers (minus Tommy) are still dicking around in the field playing with bugs. Zordon calls them and tells them to get their butts to the statue because Zack is getting pwned.

IT'S MORPHIN' TIME BECAUSE IT'S AN ACTUAL EMERGENCY!

The rangers start sparring with the spider (apparently Goldar is just hanging out watching now, because he's not fighting) and then Rita decides to MAKE HER MONSTER GROW! So, now we have a really big spider monster who looks nothing like a spider.

WE NEED DINOZORD POWER NOW!!!

Again, noone has bothered to call Tommy. The guy almost defeated all 5 of them BY HIMSELF and they don't bother to get his help. Fools. Anyway, the rangers sans Zack summon Megazord and lock it into battle-mode. The spider waits patiently for it to finish transforming before launching any kind of assault. Megazord uses the devastating “punch you in the face” maneuver and knocks the spider on its ass. Not to be beaten that easily, the spider shoots some sticky webs at the megazord which makes it fall over. Jason counters this by having all the zords disengage from the megazord and go back to individual mode. They all start using their individual powers to battle the spider. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to be doing the trick. They just aren't powerful enough to defeat the hairy bugger. Jason contacts Zordon to whine that they need Tommy. (Told ya)

IT'S TOMMY'S MORPHIN' TIME AND ALSO DRAGONZORD POWER NOW!

The Dragonzord is so cool. He does like cool tail swipey moves and big punches and stuff, it's pretty cool. Anyway, the spider monster uses his web move again, but Tommy counters with the awesome finger rocket-launcher. Jason suggests they summon the MEGA-Dragonzord. Which is also awesome. Everything about this show gets cooler when the Dragonzord gets involved. He does a big lazer-lance style move and blows the spider up. Nice.

Zack runs back to the park as his comatose students are waking up and acts like nothing happens. The kids just kind of go with it, seems weird I know.

The next day, Trini announces that the city council has decided to keep the statue up! Who gives a shit. Zack tells everyone that he's finally over his fear of spiders, but wait... what's that on your shoulder Zack?! WHOOOOOOOOAAAHHHH. Terriffic.

THE GOOD

All the Dragonzord stuff

THE BAD

SPIDERS ARE ARACHNIDS

THE HILARIOUS

The statue saves people from bugs. WTF?



Not a great episode, but not the worst either. I give it a 3 out 5 power-coins.



That's it for this week. See you on tuesday.

No comments:

Post a Comment