Episode 13 – “Peace, Love & Woe”
Greetings everyone, it’s time for the bakers dozenth episode of Power Rangers! No housekeeping announcements this week, let’s just get right to the episode.
We being in the juice bar/gymnasium where all the plucky teens (including our heroes) are engaged in normal teenage activities; a little gymnastics, some karate and everyone else is getting the place (which looks WAY bigger than usual. New set?) seems to be decorating for a big dance. Bulk barges in on one of those big 90s skateboards that are starting to become popular again. As usual, Bulk manages to crash into Ernie who is carrying a cake and Bulk gets it all over his face. Totally classic Bulk, no wonder he’s so fat.
On the moon Rita is explaining her new plan, basically her plan is to attack the Power Rangers with a monster when they least expect it. That’s right, it’s the same plan she uses every time… But in the words of General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmany Melchett “doing the same thing we’ve done 18 times before is PRECISELY the last thing they’ll expect us to do this time.” (If you don’t know that reference you need to watch the fourth series of Blackadder. Go ahead, I’ll wait.)
Back at the juice bar/gymnasium Ernie tells Bulk and Skull to stop being assholes all the time or don’t come back. This is the first time we’ve seen any kind of non-food-in-face discipline being given to Bulk and Skull, I wonder if it will change the way they behave? Zack asks Billy to let him teach him some moves for the big dance tonight and then launches into the same annoying spinny dance moves he does every week. Zack… this is not teaching, that is called “being a douche.” How’s Billy supposed to follow that? Billy says he’s not interested in dancing just to attract girls. Zack laughs at him and walks off dancing. What an ass. Jason asks Billy if he asked anyone to the big dance. Why is everyone so interested in Billy’s love life all of a sudden? As far as I’m concerned Billy is as asexual as a teletubby. Billy says he has not because his priority is to finish his crazy weather science experiment or something. Billy excuses himself to go do science or something, but on the way out he bumps into the female version of himself (she’s wearing blue and everything!) they exchange awkward Billy dialogue before Billy puts the girls necklace back on her. Billy and the girl (who they haven’t named yet so I’m going to call her Boobly- for ‘Billy with Boobs’) go and sit down to have a juice (it is a juice bar) and a chat. They discover they both graduated for the “accelerated baby genius” program which sounds like a barrel of laughs. Just as it seemed Billy was about to invite the girl to the big dance his friends call him over, claiming there is an emergency. When he gets over there they tell him to just ask her to the dance. THAT’S WHAT HE WAS DOING YOU MORONS! Anyway, it doesn’t matter because she asks him, he suggest they meet up later in the day to get to know one another better and talk about his weather machine thing. She says that is a “capital idea!” (I have met lots of nerds and scientists and with the exception of one friends dorky economist/lawyer brother NOBODY talks like this) and they agree to meet at the park by the lake. Hot.
We cut to what looks like a Kabuki-themed monster wearing the helmet that Shredder used to wear on Ninja Turtles and with big “Lady Deathstrike” blade fingers. Rita contacts her and recruits her to use her crown jewel to send the Power Rangers to another dimension. Kabuki-Sue (my fun name for her) agrees to do just that. She materializes before Boobly (who for some reason she thinks is a Power Ranger) and traps her in the weird pocket dimension thing. Rita was watching this and she’s annoyed because Kabuki-Sue screwed up the incredibly simple instruction she was given! I don’t see why she’s so surprised, Rita’s goons have yet to perform a single task correctly so why should Kabuki-Sue (who apparently is actually named Madame Woe, but I like my name for her better) be any different.
Billy arrives at the appointed time to meet Boobly and discovers that she’s gone! He finds her necklace that she claims never to be without, but before he can look for her he’s jumped by putties! Billy radios for the other rangers for help and they dash off to rescue their karate-impaired buddy. One of the putties employs my new favorite move: “The Donkey Kong” he literally rolls a big barrel at Kimberly and she has to jump over it. Terrific. After one of the non-costume battle sequences the putties retreat. Billy tells everyone about Boobly’s disappearance. Just then, the rangers are summoned to the command center by Zordon, who informs them that Boobly was captured by Rita! Billy blames himself, but everyone tells him to shut up so they can continue the briefing. Zordon explains that Kabuki-Sue can control weather (not unlike a certain invention that a certain blue ranger.) The only way to defeat her is to combine all their powers. Zordon explains that by combining their power coins any one ranger can assume ALL their powers! Once again, a new power that Zordon never bothered to tell the rangers about…
IT’S MORPHIN TIME!
The rangers charge into battle with Kabuki-Sue, but before they can do anything she teleports them to the pocket dimension where Boobly is a prisoner! Rather than leave them for all eternity, Kabuki-Sue stays in the pocket dimension to fight with the rangers. Kabuki-Sue unleashes a devastating attack! Well not that devastating I guess… in fact it’s kind of silly… she makes water spray at them. Her big move is the same thing every dad in history does to his kids when he’s watering the lawn. But, the rangers act like it really hurts. Zack points out that their weapons are having no effect and says that there must be some way to beat her. Apparently they’ve all forgotten what Zordon said 30 fucking seconds ago!!! It takes Kabuki-Sue trying to strangle Billy for them to remember and they all combine their power coins which allows Billy to escape. He and Kabuki-Sue start fighting back in the real world. Despite having combined all their powers Billy is still getting his ass kicked. Maybe they should have let Jason combine the powers and not the most useless fighter… Billy catches a lucky break and snatches the jewel off Kabuki-Sue’s forehead which allows the other rangers and Boobly to also escape the pocket dimension. The rangers do a bunch of flips and jumpkicks and such before Jason gives the signal to combine their weapons into the cool laser crossbow. One rainbow laser blast later and Kabuki-Sue is no more! Rita’s failure has caused her a migraine and she starts emoing out about how unfair it all is.
The time of the big dance has arrived and everyone has opened up a big circle to watch Zack dance around. I wish someone would throw a shoe. Billy and Boobly are sitting at a table and she’s telling Billy about her ordeal. She mentions that her favorite ranger was the blue one (she’s probably the only person in history who chose Billy as their favorite ranger too…) Too bad Billy has to play it cool, because he probably would have gotten laid… Meanwhile, Bulk and Skull are wearing totally awesome disguises, but they don’t fool Ernie who tells them if they want to stay they’ll have to pay for the cake that Bulk destroyed with his face. Reluctantly, Bulk agrees and starts taking off his shoes (which is apparently where he keeps his cash) Skull appears terrified and ties a bandana across his nose. Bulk reaches into his dirty sock and pulls out the money he owes Ernie. But OH NO! The smell of the money overpowers Ernie so badly he passes out into the cake. The rangers revive him and still covered in cake he leads everyone in a hilarious dance.
Another pretty good episode! Could it be that the show is actually getting better?!
The out of costume fight sequence was cool and once again we didn’t have to resort to the Megazord to kill the monster
Well, Rita describing her plan like it was a brand new strategy was a little annoying.
Seriously, Ernie’s dancing at the end is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.
I give this one 4 out of 5 power-coins.
That’s it for today, don’t miss Friday’s post where we’ll be reviewing episode 14: “Foul Play in the Sky” wherein Jason joins the mile-high club but regrets it when he discovers he has herpes. Power Rangers: Fun AND Educational!
ALTERNATE NEXT WEEK ON JOKE (I couldn’t decide which I liked better)
Don’t miss next weeks episode “Foul Play in the Sky” wherein the rangers battle a thespian duck-monster!